I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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