I think I am morally bankrupt
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
