Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
