I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
