you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
