i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize
