I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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