I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
