Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
