do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
