what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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