I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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