i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
