I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
