i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
