i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
