She's like a pop up book from hell.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
