The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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