he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
