No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
