He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm always down for nudity.
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