do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
