I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
