Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
