noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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