So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
