We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Randomize
