he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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