My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
