If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
