...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
