Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
