The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
