Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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