I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
