She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
