i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
