All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
