you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
