He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
