I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
