I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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