My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
