I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
