u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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