I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
