Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
