And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Help. Why am I so naked?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
