dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
