No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
