Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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