i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My balls are so social today.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
