oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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