Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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