just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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